hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
