This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
