Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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