i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
