New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
