dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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