so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
