Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
