I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
