He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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