...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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