this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
