and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
