She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize