I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
