I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
