so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize