I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
