ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
