Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
