the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
