The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
