Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
