I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
