Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize