i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
