Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
