The maid of honor just puked.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
