Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
