no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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