3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cockslap morals
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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