Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i out mim tonsoeep
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
