you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
