i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
