he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
