I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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