I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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