I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
