if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize