Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
