I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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