Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
