I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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