R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
