Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize