yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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