I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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