Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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