this beer tastes like vomit already
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
