if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
