I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
