I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
