did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im just a social blackout drinker.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
