i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
