You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
