The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
