i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
