When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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