If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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