we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
