none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
