Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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