I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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