Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
