dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
