Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
