I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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