I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
